Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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