So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
