Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
