I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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