Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
