I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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