he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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