i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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