If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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