Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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