nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
