you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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