If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
