Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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