no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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