oh god the rape fog is back!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
