Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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