Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
