I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
