you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
BRING THE BAGELS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
