Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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