Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
