the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
