5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
