i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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