...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
