I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I want her autograph on my taint
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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