we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
