so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
