so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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