I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
