then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My breasts were aching with rage.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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