i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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