i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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