mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
