I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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