Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize