Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
