Got a toothbrush?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
