After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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