I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
