at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize