Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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