whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
