Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
