So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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