Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
