Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
