i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
