You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
