this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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