Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I love you. Go after that dick
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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