i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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