This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
