one two three fourrrrnication!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
