doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
