I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
