im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
