I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize