one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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