A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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