If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im holly from the hills drunk
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
