I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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