bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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