Walk of Shame. In a state park.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
