I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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