im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just forgot I was standing up.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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